FIRST ONE DOWN: A Paul Sutton Novel Page 13

  Nate was sitting up on the edge of his bed, back straight, teeth clenched. The air surged in and out so loud and hard through his nose that the noise of his own breathing snapped him out of the trance he had fallen into. He could not believe what he was hearing. He had been listening to the audio surveillance receiver every night since he last saw her.

  He could not handle the mere thought of any other man touching Kali's body. It was a thought he never pondered, not even for a moment. And to hear it, in real time taking place at her condo, in her bed, a bed he had recently been with her in. A place where he had used every ounce of will power that he possessed to resist taking her the way he had needed to - to give her what she wanted.

  "Whore!" he yelled aloud, to himself as he sprung up, out of bed, and dressed.

  Looking around his stark, empty room, he considered getting the duffle out of the closet. Then he decided against that. He would have to kill the man, and that would get in the way of what he intended to do to her. What she had coming. He needed time with her, with her body. He needed time to punish her, to make her feel the same amount of pain that he felt listening to her allow another man to touch what belonged to him, and him alone. He wouldn't tolerate that - he wouldn't tolerate her allowing what belonged to him to be dirtied by another mans hands. He needed to plan. No mistakes, he had to do this right.

  CHAPTER 26

  As Kali was drifting off to sleep, she thought back to the holiday weekend in July when everything changed between her and Nate. She opened her eyes and shifted her body weight slightly. She could tell that Andrew was sound asleep and she inched herself away from him until she was on the edge of the bed. Reaching next to the bed, she pulled the nightstand drawer open without making a sound and pulled the very top journal out of the drawer. Clutching in against her chest, she got all the way off of the bed and quietly made her way to the bathroom. Once inside, she sat on the cold tile floor resting her back against the door and opened to the entry she wanted to read. Still searching for the answer to how she had let herself fall so far with Nate, wanting desperately to lay blame on one incident, on one specific event that could somehow explain it all. Her mind constantly pointed her back to that weekend. She read the journal entry from that experience repeatedly, trying to find some point within the story of that weekend, where she could have, where she should have, turned back. Said no. Left Nate. Something, anything that she could have done differently. She felt that if she were able to identify the moment where the decision she had made had set the entire series of events that followed into motion, that she could avoid ever going through the pain that she had been going through again. That she could better equip herself to not repeat that mistake. That she could let go of all the negative feelings associated with her part in those experiences. That she could fully move on. That she could put the blame on Nate, label him a monster and not hurt over losing him anymore, not miss him anymore.

  July 7, 2008

  ....upon entering the hotel suite, with Nate leading me in by my hand, I felt a rush of cold air hit me and goosebumps immediately overcame my flesh. There was a faint scent of magnolia in the cold air and although I couldn't tell because the blindfold was covering my eyes, I felt a darkness. I assumed the room was dark. Dark and cold. Nate's hand left mine, and I stood alone where he left me. I could hear movement, a clinging sound, Nate's footsteps. I could feel a rush of air when he moved past me again. He didn't touch me, or say anything to me, and I could hear more movement, sounds I couldn't make out the origins of.

  "I am going to tell you everything that I am going to do to you, Kali."

  "Okay..."

  "Shhh...don't talk. Just listen and either nod yes or no, do you understand?"

  I nodded yes, nervous and excited. I couldn't get a handle on which emotion was stronger. I had no idea what was about to happen and my head was starting to feel dizzy, but I didn't want to say no. I wanted to see what it was that Nate liked, what it was that he needed from me, hoping that I would be able to give him what he wanted, eliminating his need to find it elsewhere. I suspected that he was seeing other women. I felt it in the long absences, and in the way he always seemed to hold back with me. I could see the look in his eyes when we made love, that far away look. I always thought that when I felt him check-out while we were together, the place he went to had to be one of re-living sex with a past lover or going into a fantasy world that I was, for whatever reason, unable to fulfill for him in real life. I wasn't positive, of course. But a woman knows when her man is somewhere else mentally and emotionally. I have no fear at this point in our relationship that he has emotional ties to any other women, and I suppose that's how I justify his wandering. I never ask, I never question him. He has always done what he said he would do, he doesn't break dates with me. He treats me well when we are together and I can tell, I can feel that he has a strong connection with me, I believe he needs me, I think he loves me. When he asked me to be open to whatever was to come, I felt privileged that he was going to take me deeper into his world. This world he sometimes referred to, or at least alluded to. I thought this was him letting me in, bringing me closer. Like many other times before this night, I didn't question, I just did as he requested.

  "I might do things that scare you, Kali. I might hurt you. I need you to do two things for me," he said, as he pushed the strands of hair framing my face back over my shoulders, "I need you to try to block out the fear, and the pain. I need you to feel it with your body - don't think about it tonight. Just feel it. Can you try to do that for me?"

  I nodded yes again. My lips were dry, my knees were getting shaky, and the space between my legs was warm and growing increasingly wet.

  "I am going to remove your dress, your shoes and your necklace, okay?"

  I nodded yes again, and he unzipped the back of my white dress, and I felt it slip off my body and pool at the floor by my feet. The sound of the fabric falling off my body and hitting the floor flooded my ears. My senses were heightened, and I was getting comfortable with the blindfold that took my sight away. I felt his hands glide back up my body, touching the places that the dress had covered. One hand stopped on my breast, my nipples were already hard. I felt a quick pinch, and then he grabbed me with both hands holding me by the waist; he lifted me abruptly and tossed my body back on what felt like a firm bed mattress. As my body hit the mattress, I heard the clanking sound again. It sounded like something was hitting a bed frame or wall I wasn't sure which. I felt my shoes being removed one at a time. Then he took both of my hands and pulled me up into a sitting position. I sat up straight, pushing my breasts out towards him, hoping he would touch me there again. But he didn't. I felt his strong, rough hands reach around the back of my neck and unclasp my necklace, and then I felt the chain tighten around my neck briefly before he removed it. The chain was then rubbed across my lips. With a finger, he opened my mouth.

  "Stick your tongue out, Kali," he commanded.

  And, as I did, I felt the cold chain of my necklace run over my tongue, side to side. Suddenly, the back of my head was yanked back hard, as he took a handful of my hair and thrust me back onto the mattress, causing me to gasp loudly. Then I felt nothing, I heard nothing. I sensed nothing. I lay there for what seemed like an eternity. Trying to pick up something, some sound, or the feel of his presence close to me, I listened, and I waited. My body was begging, pleading for his touch. I was hyper-aware of the growing sensitivity in every part of me. I began to move my thighs together, trying to placate the area between, and as soon as I moved, I felt him near.

  "Kali, I did not ask you to move," he said, while pulling my thighs apart and positioning them slightly open, so my slit was untouched by anything except for the wet panties that clung there, hugging my folds with their skimpy, silky material. "I want to look at you. I want you to be still while I watch you, and I want you to think about what will come next. Do you understand?"

  I nodded yes, again. More time passed and then I heard his footsteps and the m
etallic, clanking sound again. I wanted Nate so badly at that point I didn't care what the origin of that sound was. I needed him to touch me; I needed a release from the pressure building between my legs.

  "I am going to secure your wrists away from your body. Do you understand?"

  I nodded yes and Nate yanked my body further up on the mattress until the back of my head hit something hard, making a thud as my body came to a stop. I felt one of my wrists pulled upward, above my head and bound by what felt like cold chain then my other wrist was pulled up into the same position. Both wrists were bound together, straight above my head causing my head and back to be slightly elevated off of the mattress. I heard a cranking noise and my arms straightened further, feeling pulled up and somewhat stretched. I tried to keep quiet but was unable to hold back and let out a small shriek.

  "Does that hurt, Kali?"

  The moment I nodded my head yes, I felt something plunge deep into my opening. A loud cry escaped from my mouth and then I found myself lost in the pleasure, my hips grinding down against the cold, hard object Nate was filling me with. Just as I was at the point of climax, he removed it and silence fell on the room again. No movement. I lay there, completely still this time not wanting to disobey, just wishing the pleasure to return again. After a few minutes, I heard a very loud crack in the air above me. A swoosh of air following close behind the sound. The crack sound came again and although I couldn't see it, I knew exactly what it was. I had been around Meg's horse ranch long enough to know the sound of a whip.

  "Kali do you know what that sound is?"

  I nodded my head yes.

  "Does that sound scare you?"

  I nodded yes.

  "I am going to touch your body with the end of the whip. I want you to stay perfectly still. Do you understand?"

  I nodded yes. The feeling of the cold leather against the bare skin on my legs was intoxicating. I wasn't scared. I just wanted. As the leather end of the whip ran up and down, my body began to relax. It was a pleasure I hadn't experienced with Nate, I was always tense when we had sex. My mind started to drift and a loud crack awoke all of my senses in a half second. Following the sound, immense pain took over my left nipple and before I realized what was happening, I felt my thighs being opened wide and heard another crack, followed by a shooting pain between my legs. Then the leather was running over my belly. I was laboring to catch my breath, and I felt a hot tear roll down the side of my face, disappearing into my hair-line by my ear. Then crack again, followed by pain, so much pain. Then silence. So much silence. My emotions were on overload, my physical self was crying out in pain, the wetness between my legs was growing and my swollen clit was throbbing. I was at his will now. I had no voice and, even if I did, I would have had no idea in that moment what to use it for. I didn't know what I wanted more of and I didn't know what I wanted to stop.

  Once my breathing slowed to shallow gasps, and my body relaxed, I heard his footsteps. He lifted my hips up and slid my panties down, and off my feet. I felt the corset loosen and could tell he was releasing the ribbon that bound the front of it together then it fell away, exposing the bottom portion of my breasts. Nate's rough hands ran down my belly, over my pubic region and two fingers plunged inside as he leaned down and kissed my closed mouth hard. Easing up for a moment, I felt a large hand around the front of my neck, pulling my body down harder onto his fingers, which were plunging deeper into me. The pulling of my body increased the intensity of the stretching of my arms. There were so many sensations going on at the same time, it was impossible for me to focus on any one. My body was overwhelmed again with pleasure and with pain, I felt helpless to do anything but give in, let go, not think - just feel. Do exactly as I was instructed to do. I felt Nate's lips pressed hard on mine again and his body weight on top of me, his fingers pulled away from between my legs, briefly, and then plunged back in, this time four fingers, stretching me apart and causing me to cry out. My mouth was immediately covered, smothered by his rough hand. Then the hand moved back to my neck; then it all stopped. The bed rocked a bit, and Nate was gone, silence fell again. This time, no tears came. I just wanted more.

  "Kali, do you want me to let you cum?"

  I nodded yes.

  "Do you want more pain, Kali?"

  I did not nod my head yes or no.

  Hi voice was louder this time, "Do you want more pain, Kali? If you do not answer me, you will be punished. Do you understand?"

  I nodded yes.

  "Do you understand the difference between punishment and pleasure, Kali?"

  I shook my head, no.

  "I am going to show you. Do you understand?"

  I nodded yes.

  "I am not going to show you until you deserve to be punished. I think you will be able to recognize the difference."

  I nodded my head.

  "Are you ready for more, Kali?"

  I nodded yes. Silence followed my nod of agreement yet again, but it didn't last as long as the other times. The loud crack of the whip came again, followed by intense pain between my legs, then the crack, followed by pain on the top of one thigh, then between my legs, then one breast, then the other. The crack of the whip against my bare, goosebump laden flesh, was coming in rapid succession now. My hips rose and fell as I thrust them into the air to meet the leather end of the whip. I was moaning loudly, my breathing quick and bated. I pleaded inside for him to just take me. And he was doing just that. I didn't realize it in that moment. This was his way of taking me. This is what turns him on-watching my body beg for his touch, including the pain that came from it, exercising complete power over me, rendering me unable to say no to things I would normally say no to. Witnessing my transformation in those moments, before his very eyes and knowing that it was his power over me that caused that transformation. I can't say that I didn't want it. I can't even say that I didn't like it. I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to be all he needs. Those were the prominent feelings that immediately followed that encounter.

  The next part was the part I struggle with now, today, now that I have had a day to think, to analyze.

  "Kali, you can speak now. Tell me. Tell me what you want."

  My voice was cracked and my words sounded weak, "I want more."

  "More what, Kali? I need to know what you need more of."

  "More pain."

  "How do you ask, Kali?"

  "Please?" I said, unsure if that was the word he was looking for.

  The crack immediately followed my spoken request, snapping against multiple areas of my body. The noise the whip made as it hit me, mixed with the increasing volume of my moans and screams drowned everything else out in my mind. Then the cracks stopped, and I felt the weight of his body on mine once again, his erection pressing against me. I pushed my hips up toward him, opening my legs wide, trying to position him between my open legs, and my awaiting wetness. His hand found my neck again, and clamped down tight over it, cutting off my airway and further heightening my senses. I felt him fill me completely, pounding deep inside of me, using his hand on my neck to thrust my body towards his. In and out, he was pumping fast and I could feel his body tense against mine. I knew he was moments from ejaculation. He pulled out of me suddenly and I felt hot droplets of cum squirting over my tummy, my breasts, hitting my face. His hand was still holding my neck, but he had eased up the pressure. I felt him climb off of me and I was filled with the same cold, hard object he had initially filled me with. He was slamming it inside me hard, the pain was increasing and my screams were getting louder.

  "I want you to push against it harder, Kali." he said, his voice void of emotion, his breathing rapid.

  I pushed down against the object as hard as I could, with every thrust, my arms were stretched further and further causing so much pain, it was difficult to focus on what was taking place between my legs. I was screaming out in pain and then my mind went blank. I felt like I was outside of myself, looking down at my body being completely taken, entirely owned and consumed
, by this man. The next thing I remember was the feeling of my arms falling down over my head, hitting the headboard of the bed and Nate's voice.

  "You are free, Kali."

  Free? I remember thinking. I wasn't free at all. I didn't feel free. I felt dirty and used. I felt emotionally fractured. He lifted my head up gently and I blinked my eyes open and closed several times. I wanted to reach my hands up and rub my eyes, but my arms were too sore to move. I just lay there, looking up at the ceiling. I could see a silver hook in the ceiling, and chains hanging down, and woven through another hook above the dark wood headboard. The end of the chains rested over the headboard and hung down to the top of the pillows. I looked around the room and noticed that there was a dim light coming from a lamp on the nightstand. Sitting on the nightstand was a large, black metal object. I couldn't decipher whether it was a flashlight or tool of some sort but viewing it sent a shiver up my spine. I knew that was what Nate had penetrated me with. I looked over towards the end of the bed and sitting on a large, round ottoman about three feet away from the end of the large bed, was Nate. He was dressed and he was bent over putting his shoes on.

  He looked up at me, his eyes blank and cold. "I have to go. I have arranged for you to stay here tonight and a masseuse will be up at ten in the morning to rub you down. Check out isn't 'til noon and you can order room service whenever you would like. There's a breakfast menu on the nightstand. I will pick you up next Wednesday night at eight. We are going to a play downtown, please dress accordingly."